Top 5 Top 5s

This one’s for The Ride. More Fare Game online tomorrow …
Isabella Rossellini

In an upcoming episode Driver is going to tell everyone about his top 5 taxi movies. I’ll let you in on a little secret … Taxi Driver is one of them! How could it not be? But no more about that until the post goes live. In my imaginings of Driver I have come up with other Top 5 lists that Driver might be inclined to compile. Driver quite likes a good list and they seem like a good way to give readers some insight into his personality.

And in case you’re wondering, I’M NOT DRIVER, OK? I have all his good qualities and none of his bad ones. I’ve never driven a taxi, although that’s not a bad quality, by any means. In fact, I have grown fond of my time in taxis talking to the various drivers I meet. I’ve never studied or practised law, I’m not Italian and have no Italian heritage, although I do have a soft spot for Alfa Romeos, Italian bicycles, double espresso and Isabella Rossellini, not in that order. I have only occasionally ridden Italian bicycles although I dream about and would very much like to own one and ride it a lot, at some point not too distant from now. I do own an Alfa so I ride in it a lot. I have never ridden Isabella Rossellini and am not prepared to reveal the extent to which I dream about it (see love-struck gibbon reference in next paragraph).

AND MY WIFE ISN’T MINNIE, EITHER while we’re on the topic. She is a physio, she does specialise in human plumbing, she did drive a burnt-orange Mazda shit-box … but we’re as faithful as love-struck gibbons (they’re really faithful, look it up!) although with much sexier hair.

Anyway, most of Driver’s other Top 5s won’t make it into the book. In fact, I don’t think any others will, but I thought I might post some of them here so you could get a stronger sense of the whole Driver-ness of the lad. So following is the Top 5 list of Driver’s Top 5s (other than taxi driver movies) that help describe Driver’s personality and bear not even the slightest morsel of a resemblance to Mick McCoy’s personality:

  1. Top 5 Italian cycling influences – could be riders, frames, components, clothing, footwear, races … anything that arouses Driver’s emotions. Yes, I know, not one for everyone, but the cyclists amongst the readership will argue endlessly, be astonished that I have a different list to theirs and call me (Driver) at least five kinds of moron. I hope;
  2. Top 5 Melbourne places to drink coffee – where the emphasis is not just on the quality of the coffee, but the total experience of consuming the coffee, including the hotness and/or attitude of the baristas and waitresses, the decor, the hotness and/or attitude of the baristas and waitresses, the setting, the hotness and/or attitude of the baristas and waitresses, the people who usually accompany Driver to that place to drink coffee or, come to think of it, the hotness and/or attitude of the baristas and waitresses;
  3. Top 5 Melbourne baristas and/or waitresses – Driver insists that this be its own category. He’s like that. He wants you to know that he’s not an old letch but rather someone who simply appreciates the importance of baristas and waitresses in the coffee experience. The baristas might even be male, but not the wait staff, they’re waitresses. Actually … doesn’t care if you think he’s an old letch. (Additional note: I think the plural is baristi when referring to men and bariste when referring to women, but I’m not sure, so I’m sticking with baristas. If you don’t agree, tell Driver, but just be prepared for the fact that he probably won’t care);
  4. Top 5 Italian restaurants – not just about coffee this time, but also food and setting and waitresses and patrons … the whole experience
  5. Top 5 Italian cultural influences (excluding things relating to cycling) – because Driver’s an Aussie. Now, there’s a chance that these might reflect my preferences rather than Driver’s, but even if that were true I wouldn’t admit to it. I’m too shy

A couple of other important things … the list of Top 5’s aren’t in order. Driver doesn’t necessarily rate cycling above coffee or general Italian cultural influences. And the five items in each Top 5 won’t be in order. If you want to think they are and argue with me about it, go right ahead. I would enjoy it, but Driver wouldn’t care.

So, there it is, Driver’s Top 5 Top 5’s. Coming soon!